Shalloch on Minnoch

Forecast - superb. Hill choice - one that would afford me peace and quiet - Shalloch on Minnoch.
Would I do this one again? Not on your nelly. Why? Bog, confusion and loose woman.

The road from Straiton to the Bell Memorial car park is classified as a B road. The fact that it's classified as a road of any sort would have the Romans choking on their alli olio. Anyway, as I got ready to go, a woman in the car approached me and asked if I was going up Shalloch - I said aye. She wanted to warn me that she'd tried in October but got turned back by incredible bog and confusion. I was confused already. We discussed the route and tactics with the map - she said she'd follow me but thought she wouldn't keep up. Psychological tactics here? With my reputation? Gonnae no.

I pinged off down the road and on to the land rover track, passing an old ruined cottage with an oddly new white garage - so out of place. I was glad I'd lathered on the Factor 25 as the sun belted down and I began to relax intermittently checking behind me that thon wifie wasn't hot on my tail. I'm fine with looking after myself but truth be told, I wasn't down here to get someone to the summit. On a Corbett on a fine day too. I passed the old SOM farm and found old rifle cartridges - lots of them. Was that a banjo I could hear? I followed the burn up to the old sleeper bridge - a test of nerve to cross this and midway, a voice shouted near tipping me into the burn - the pursuer had caught up with me. I thought 'FFS!' and said hello. She must have run down the road after me. Well, it was time to turn on the after-burners and see ya!

I headed up the burn and found a wee path which meandered through the trees. The going indeed become extremely boggy. After 15-20 minutes meandering through the trees, I eventually emerged on to the hill proper and began the ascent up on to SOM. The wifie was nowhere to be seen. Am I bad for leaving her? I just wanted some peace. Having arrived at the trig point, the views across to the Merrick, Cairnsmore of Carsphairn, Ailsa Craig and Mexico were excellent. I had lunch, bounded over to the true summit and then down a bit of uppydowny to Tarfessock and Kirriereoch Hill before returning over to Tarfessock and back down towards the conifers and burn. I should say by the time I arrived at the true summit, the wifie arrived waving her arms maniacally. Indeed.

Now, the SMC Corbett book says that some 'occasional meandering in and out of conifers' is needed to return to the SOM farm. Can I just state here and now that this is a load of b*llocks. Yes, you do meander but the use of occasional in this instance is like saying that 100 lacerations across your face and body with an acid whip is occasional. I was not impressed. I did eventually re-join the route back to SOM farm and enjoyed the last part of the walk. Not before I was joined by a rather bewildered wifie who thought she'd never get off the hill. This level of consternation I had not seen since the time I was at an awards party with MC Hammer and Chico and someone asked them what the time was.

I am sure there is an easier way off this hill but my advice is go armed with a suit of armour. Who says the Corbetts are easy